Lament of a Bruiser's Mother

Beautiful isn't he? We were out and about all weekend long, which means my house didn't get dirty and I didn't have to clean it today. So I had some free time to play on picnik.com with this photo.

I'm so greatful that my little baby only has moderate Hemophilia B. It could be so much worse, like Hemophilia A or severe Hemophilia or most anything else. I have him and can hold his tininess in my arms and adore his little smiles and rolls. I get to be frustrated if he doesn't feel like going to bed at night (or early morning.)

But that doesn't mean I don't worry about him. He was born with a little hemangeoma on his leg. I probably spelled that all wrong, but it's just a small strawberry that should go away. A couple weeks later, I noticed at the doctor's office that he had a large bruise covering his entire shoulder and part of his tiny back. It hasn't gotten bigger and hasn't gone away, so the Hemo doc said it's probably a birthmark. Then yesterday, he was sitting on my lap and I saw a bruise on the nape of his neck that went up about two inches! To add insult to injury, my parents said they had noticed it two weeks ago. Where was I? Why didn't I see it as anything other than a shadow up until last night? I felt horrified!

Because of his type of Hemophilia, I really only need to worry about bleeds in the muscles and joints, not silly surface bruises which my father kindly reminded me so I didn't freak out too badly. (I can't believe I didn't notice!?) They went through this with my accident prone brother- sorry bro, but you know neither one of us could ever be mistaken as graceful. So my parents knew it was no big deal.

So where is the line? I want to not have a panic attack every time his beautiful baby skin gets discolored. I want to NOTICE is something is amiss so I can calmly and efficiently react. And I want to not worry about him playing with his big brother who seems to so far have inherited our "ungraceful genes". (He's a toddler. There's still hope for him.) Monk loves to play with him so much and I don't want to yell at him everytime he gets to close. Geez.... I could vent forever. I guess all I can do is my best. And accept that I'm just going to worry. Sometimes I'll over react and I'll make mistakes. Which stinks.

I really want to join a chat room or forum for moms with children who have Hemophilia, but I haven't really found one. Anybody know of one? Then maybe I can get my freak outs out one at a time instead of all at once.